By Ajay Ghimire

 

Not until much later in my life did I realize what Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) wrote, “Wherever we go, whatever we do, self is the sole subject we study and learn.” One of my favourites is from Polly B. Berends, “Everything that happens to you is your teacher. The secret is to sit at the feet of your own life and be taught by it.” 

 

But don’t take knowing yourself for granted. In the words of GK Chesterton (1874-1936): “One may understand the cosmos, but never the ego; the self is more distant than any star.” Recall how many times you have said, “I can’t believe I actually did or said that.” Even today, at this age, I am struggling to know what I must learn and do to realize my individual potential. My advice to you: cultivate the habit of making conscious efforts to learn about yourself. 

 

I would like to share with you two disciplines I have found quite useful for continual learning. They are from the book called The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck and the disciplines are named a) Acceptance of Responsibility, and b) Dedication to Truth. 

 

Acceptance of Responsibility 

 

The first of the Four Noble Truths Buddha taught was “Life is a suffering”. We may accept or deny this assertion but there is overwhelming evidences in its favour. As we move on with our lives, we will inevitably encounter a series of problems. Of course, problems do not last forever. They come and go. But Dr Peck argues that problems must be worked through or else they remain, forever, a barrier to our growth and development. By accepting responsibility for problems, experiencing their pain, working through them in solving them, we learn and grow. 

 

In accepting responsibility, though, Dr Peck warns us of the extremes. On one extreme, which he terms Character Disorder, we blame others for everything that goes wrong, or when we are in conflict with others. On the other extreme, which he terms Neurosis, we blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong or when we are in conflict with others. In one extreme, we assume no responsibility and in the other we assume too much. 

 

We do not have the inherent capacity to realistically distinguish between what we are and what we are not responsible for. It develops only if we are willing to suffer continual self-examination, which at times can be painful. In Ace Institute’s short history of 14 years, this discipline of realistically distinguishing between what we are and we are not responsible for has helped us successfully navigate all sorts of problems, including coercion and threat of closure. In personal life also, application of this discipline has helped me work through what at times appeared to be insurmountable problems. 

 

Dedication to Truth 

As we view and interact with the world, we develop our own concepts of what is true and real. What was true and real to us as a child may not be so when we are grown up. What was true and real to a person when he was poor may not be so when he is rich. Dr Peck describes each of us as a mapmaker negotiating the terrain of our lives with maps of our own. We are not born with maps; we have to make them. And for our maps to be relevant and useful, we have to continually revise them. 

 

The problem he points out is that many of us stop revising our maps after certain time. The result: our maps remain small and sketchy and our view of the world narrow and misleading. His advice: we should subject ourselves to continual self-examination, expose ourselves to the criticism of other mapmakers, continually revise our map and thereby enlarge and refine our understanding of the world. 

 

Therefore, be prepared to accept that whatever you have learnt or you have been taught could be wrong, if not today, tomorrow. If it sounds strange and hard to accept, Gustave Falubert’s assertion “There is no truth. There is only perception” might help. If Flaubert’s assertion is not convincing enough, listen to this from Raman Maharshi: “There is no Truth. There is only Truth within each moment.” 

 

Some Parting Advice 

We regularly encounter social pressure to conform and personal pressure to establish our uniqueness. You may want to listen to this advice from the Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (1926-2004): “Our concern must be to live while we’re alive – to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a façade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are.” Lisa Nichols warns, “No one else can dance your dance, no one else can sing your song, no one else can write your story.” 

 

And pleads John Mason with the title of his book: “You’re born original; don’t die a copy.” 

 

- Ghimire is the Chairman of Ace Institute of Management. This article is adapted from his key-note speech made at the MBA and EMBA graduation ceremony 2013 of the institute.