Size zero is the contemporary fad. Your potbelly wife, struggling models, overage heroines, all want to be zero-sized. Because you crave for that and with your wish granted the Nepali economy has now come to a real good shape of zero, and anyone surviving in it can only be skinny. You know the reason.

The economic meaning of zero could be something different than the blissful imaginative hollow universe of a meditating sage. It is either recession or depression. Nepal has simplified the definition of these terms too: recession is when the builder of a housing company shifts to an apartment in his own project site and, it is depression when he is shifted to a free-to-live public apartment called jail. 

The definition could be as many as the number of economists. That means you are free to have your own tailor-made definition of it. Many have it already. Our central bank governor says, an economy with zero growth rate and 10 percent inflation is still not in recession, and the finance minister doesn’t have a say since he already has zero economic sense -- recession, depression, possession, obsession but commission are all the same for him. So why can’t you have your own take on recession or depression and its shape and size. 

You may take some variables into account: once regarded successful business heroes have turned zeros, call it their size of the firm now. It is old news that CEOs of many banks are looking for alternative professions. Some have refused to take a paid forced leave fearing that someone might just play a prank with some zeros in their absence. This is the confidence indicator of our banking industry. Since, this leave is a compulsory one and he had but no alternative to take, some dedicated CEOs are seen loitering around bank’s headquarters premises despite officially being on leave, enjoying their favorite chocolate bar called ‘credit crunchy’. What would you say to the new trend that CEOs of banks themselves are working as chief of the marketing department? It is a trend reversal and also a cost-saving measure.

Not only banks, academic institutions that promised jobs to their MBAs, in the once lucrative but now leery sector called banking now taste a pinch of salt. Some new MBAs are asking their school to return their money as they are ultimately landing on a zero chance job zone. Many other ambitious MBAs are trying for jobs in the sectors they had never imagined working in. 

Good old days have returned. Dishonored cheques have become a normal phenomenon and nobody bothers why it got returned. The recipient never asks the bank whether the fund was insufficient in the account of the person who issued the cheque or in the coffers of the bank itself. The account holders don’t have enough guts to send an enquiry note to the bank about the issue. These are good signs. No one is hostile to anyone else. Everyone knows we are revolving around a big zero and will continue to do so until this zero of an economy actually becomes a black hole or the Bermuda Triangle.

The signals in television channels are less wired and more weird. Don’t blame it on load shedding. We will not have electricity pretty soon, when we are about to reach to a point of zero supply, thus no need of it. Call it a zero-gain bid that channels are showing the same program at least four times a week if not a day. They are selling commercial packages with schemes like buy one and get five free.

As the economy slims down to play the heroine of a big movie called ‘New Nepal’, many heroes are trending-up themselves. You must have seen the newspapers pictures of Min B Gurung rehearsing the act of shopping at his own Bhatbhateni stores, carrying a jute bag. Business tycoons like Golchhas and Jyotis are pictured practicing racing bikes, leaving luxury cars. Television clips show that leaders of proletarian parties are often in the public wearing Harrods suits and designed dresses. Looks like though finally we all are ready for a movie with Shakespearian tragedy, when this has a box-office success, Nepal will surely prosper.