The one who panics is the one who dies. So, if you want to survive — just keep sleeping. There’s no danger to you. Danger is only for those who dare to wake up. And if someone is asleep, even if they die, they don’t feel danger, they don’t feel fear. So really, the joy of life? It’s not in waking up — it’s in staying blissfully asleep!
Those who wake up? They die frightened. But those who sleep? They die peacefully, mid-snore. Everyone dies in the end, but only the sleepers go out as winners. As the great saint Kabir once said, “The sorrowful servant Kabir wakes and weeps; the whole world is happy, eating and sleeping.” So why bother waking up to reality when dreaming is clearly the better deal?
There’s nothing going on in this country that we need to worry about. And even if something is going on — what’s it got to do with us, right? As the saying goes: “Play the fiddle while Rome burns!”
You might argue, “We shouldn’t sleep for the sake of the country!” Oh really? What happened when you were wide awake in 2007 BS (1950 AD)? Or in 2016–17, 2035–36, 2046, or even 2062–63? The people were awake — but it was always the leaders who moved forward. If only the people had just stayed in bed, maybe things would’ve been different. So don’t bother giving yourself a headache. Just sleep soundly. Let the professionals handle the dreaming!
Look — we don’t have the Taliban here, nor Taliban-style thinking. Sure, we’ve got a few lockdown specialists — the kind who padlock universities, become vice-chancellors while the locks are still hanging, and sip liquor while giving speeches about educational reform! They don’t know what a VC is, let alone a DC. But beyond that, we all live in perfect harmony and brotherhood.
One political party respects another. One religion honors the next. No one threatens anybody, no one fears anything. A little stone-pelting and arson now and then? That’s just seasoning — part of our political recipe. Even if people get injured — even if someone dies or gets killed — things snap back to “normal” in record time. Because hey, we’re a tolerant, understanding people. We bleed peace. And sometimes just… bleed.
The world didn’t call us the land of peace and Buddha’s birthplace for nothing. Why do you think we built highways across the country? To make room for peace rallies, obviously! From Maitighar to Ekantakuna and every dusty roundabout in between, peacekeepers with batons and bamboo sticks stand guard — the real champions of non-violence, who prefer to shower their love with a good whack to the skull! Even thieves and gangsters fear them. That’s why they garland them now and then — just to stay on their good side.
Sure, we like to talk about revolution. But we’ve always been loyal fans of world peace — for centuries. We still are. Just look at America. One day it's liberating Ukraine, next day it’s liberating Libya… from itself. From Iraq to Iran, Syria to Somalia — it’s been fighting wars or selling them wholesale. It has exported its ideology, its iPhones, its fast food — but the moment goods from other countries start selling well in its markets, the tariffs go up. America keeps its own bowl full and blames others for world hunger!
But now? Look at what all that meddling has brought them. Glory? Gone. Gold? Gone. And in return — a big fat bad name, absolutely free of cost. Call now and they’ll throw in two invasions for the price of one!
If someone else has a barbaric mindset, let them have it. We’re refined. We’re progressive. Maybe they want to drag the country a thousand years backward — but we? We’re forward-thinking, future-ready and Wi-Fi enabled. The Taliban were killing their own people yesterday, and even today, from Sudan to Syria, dictators are still butchering their citizens under one excuse or another.
But hey — that’s a family matter. A domestic disagreement. A sibling squabble. Let them sort it out. Why should we care? We’ve got our own proverb: Ram’s bird, Ram’s field — go ahead, bird, eat to your heart’s content!
Even now, millions of women and children suffer around the world. The fate of Nepali girls in India and elsewhere? Well-known. In some countries, one woman dances in a disco wearing a miniskirt while another sobs beneath a burqa. But even they know the truth: “Whether you wear a burqa or not, if someone wants to stare, they will.”
But again — what’s that got to do with us? Here, women are free to wear what they want, say what they want, go where they want — even alone. Don’t believe it? Just visit one of the many casinos and discos across the country. Forget Thailand or America — here, it’s a 24/7 spiritual nightlife bonanza! A nonstop festival of liberation! Truly, a living, blinking neon sign of how modern and progressive our society has become.
And don’t worry about the creeps — the sleazy types don’t even dare look at our women, let alone touch them. Even if a girl is from a poor family, no one here would ever even dream of taking advantage of her helplessness.
Rape? Oh, that’s a different issue altogether. In this country of 30 million, only 2 to 4 rape cases are reported per day. See? That’s practically nothing! Doesn’t damage the country’s reputation. Doesn’t challenge the system. Nothing to worry about — statistically speaking, it’s just background noise.
Tomorrow? We have no idea what it brings. We only know our pockets are getting emptier. But no matter how many songs are sung about blouses (choli), no one’s been snatched from their home just yet. So what more do we need for a good night’s sleep?
So, until it’s absolutely necessary to wake up — just keep sleeping. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. 24/7. If sleep doesn’t come naturally, pop a sleeping pill.
And don’t panic — we’ll worry when the flood hits the ceiling!
(This article was originally published in May 2025 issue of New Business Age Magazine.)
