After listening to the Q&A showdown of the proposed ambassadors in the Parliamentary Hearing Committee, I couldn’t help but exclaim—Wow! The future ambassadors of Nepal! The accusation that they can't handle economic diplomacy seems utterly false. They actually possess the ability to solve the world's major problems—who knew?!
For example, the proposed ambassador for Israel shared a plan to teach the Gita and Vedas to end the Israel-Hamas war. If they can stop a war like that, then economic diplomacy must be a piece of cake for them! Who needs trade agreements when you have scripture?
My happiness knew no bounds when another proposed ambassador claimed he could bring the President of the United States to Nepal! If he can bring a president, then surely attracting four to five hundred thousand tourists is a child’s play! Now, no one can stop the tourism business in Nepal from booming—attracting investment will be as easy as sipping tea!
Just imagine, after the President of the United States visits Lalitpur for momos, won't people from all over the world automatically flock to Nepal’s tourist sites? Just look at the publicity Dolly Chaiwala got after Bill Gates had his tea! Nepalis even covered all his travel and accommodation costs, paying him an extra 2.5 million rupees! If Dolly can do it, Nepal is surely on the path to becoming a super hit. The proposed ambassador for Canada even claimed he would double the number of tourists!
With such grand plans, it shouldn’t be difficult for them to bring a flood of foreign investment to Nepal as ambassadors, right? However, one hotelier seemed quite worried after hearing this. “How will we manage when the flood of tourists starts? We might barely handle 1.5 to 2 million. But what will we do if they really flood in?” His concern seemed valid—who wants a tsunami of tourists? The proposed ambassador for Switzerland even claimed he would locate and bring back Nepali money from Swiss bank accounts. With such a large sum, why would the country need foreign investment anymore? Sounds like a financial magic trick!
Similarly, another proposed ambassador promised a fantastic plan to repatriate Bhutanese refugees back to Bhutan. Another was cooking up a collaboration with European football giants–Barcelona and Real Madrid–to train Nepali athletes. He even had plans ranging from reviving SAARC to promoting cricket!
Listening to the plans of these proposed ambassadors made me feel that Nepal's foreign policy is now reaching a global pinnacle. I was filled with pride at the thought that Nepal would attract diplomats from around the world to learn diplomatic lessons here. After all, what does it matter if Nepal is a small country? With powerful nations potentially coming here to learn diplomacy, what more could we ask for? Soon enough, Oxford and Harvard might even set up branches for diplomatic studies in Nepal. With this, no one can stop Nepal from becoming a Global Guru. And listen to this delightful news: one proposed ambassador claimed, “I will become an ambassador to promote Nepali culture and cuisine around the world.” Hearing that made me realize that such great souls exist in our own country! These ambassadors are not only focused on diplomacy; their commitment to our digestive systems, too, is unflinching!
Another proposed ambassador shared a plan to bring 'thankful seeds' from America to increase rice production. “What are those?” I asked, astonished. He replied, "These are seeds that directly thank the government when you plant them!” After hearing this, I thought farming in Nepal might now also become a diplomatic affair. Farmers who grow rice will soon have plans to bring seeds from America and cash in. With such seeds, it’s certain that agricultural development in Nepal will see significant progress. Earlier, a company called Monsanto wanted to come to Nepal, but for some reason, that effort fell through. Now, the possibility of American seeds flooding into Nepal has suddenly increased!
After hearing so much, it seemed that the proposed ambassadors of Nepal were indeed top-tier professors. That's why some even scolded the questioning MPs. In their speeches, they made proclamations about solving the world's problems. Listening to them, it felt like our ambassadors would not only stop wars but also tackle climate change issues right from every household in Nepal.
The MPs in the hearing committee also appeared quite excited. They listened seriously to the plans of the proposed ambassadors. Judging by their expressions, it seemed that in a few years, Nepal would bring about a 'political renaissance' in Europe, America, and the Middle East, and the 'Nepali diplomatic model' would be implemented not just in Nepal but also in foreign countries.
Such proclamations from the ambassadors suggested that Nepal's youth could become ambassadors just by watching YouTube instead of studying the long-winded theories of diplomacy. Seeing this level of confidence, it seemed that Nepal's diplomatic future is not just YouTube-driven but also bright. I can't help but wonder how much those MPs really understood of such grand claims. My suspicion that “they will just close their eyes and stamp their approval without much thought” came true! All but one proposed ambassador, who withdrew his name himself, were approved by the parliamentary committee!
Some whisper that in Nepal, people are made ambassadors just to enjoy their retirement years. However, the newly-appointed ambassadors firmly refuted that notion with youthful enthusiasm during the hearing process. Their presentations lacked serious concepts of diplomacy, facts, statistics, or plans. They tackled everything with a light-hearted, simple, and humorous approach! They moved forward with such solid confidence that they didn’t even feel the need to come up with concrete plans. After all, appointments are political, and there’s not much work for diplomacy involved.
But the parliamentary hearings, including the recently-appointed ambassadors, proved one thing beyond doubt: humor and satire have carved out a special place not just in Nepal’s plays, films, and stand-up comedy, but also in its foreign policy. After all, the art of speech is the primary qualification of a successful diplomat, and it seems that Nepal’s ambassadors have mastered that art well.
Now that all but one of these proposed ambassadors have been appointed, it’s going to be quite interesting to watch how they represent Nepal abroad!
(The article was originally publihsed in the October, 2024 issue of the New Business Age Magazine.)
